Verjaardag Vergeten – “My husband forgot my birthday!” Oh no. Any woman saying that isn’t in a good place emotionally. How is it that we can live with a man for years, tend to his every need and he somehow can’t remember the one day a year when we were born? It’s exasperating, isn’t it? You feel neglected and taken for granted and you have every right to feel that and more. A birthday is a special event and when the person you are sharing your life with can’t recall it, you’re bound to question more than his memory. You start to wonder whether he really does love you the way he says he does and if there’s not some underlying psychological reason why he just doesn’t view your birthday as a memorable day. Before you vent all this pent up anger in his direction, stop. Getting angry may feel like the right thing to do, but it’s probably only going to add to the tension and stress you’re currently feeling.
The bottom line is that men just don’t attach the same significance to dates that we do. It doesn’t matter if it’s a birthday, an anniversary or the day your first child was born. Your husband may not remember them strictly because his mind is so focused on other things. He likely doesn’t make any sort of association about his love for you and remembering those dates. To him they are just days of the year and although he wants to remember, he doesn’t put that much effort into ensuring that he does.
Women can be sneaky. We can also use our husband’s shortcomings against him. Most of us are guilty of doing this even if we aren’t ready to admit it. The issue of a forgotten birthday is a prime example of this. Some of us have been known to neglect telling our husband of our approaching birthday just because we want to have the chance to catch him if he forgets. Perhaps you’ve done this? You vow to yourself that you won’t remind him that your birthday is just a week away because you want to test his love for you by seeing if he’ll remember on his own. If he’s the forgetful type you are setting a trap for him that he isn’t going to be able to avoid. He’ll forget just as you expected him to and you’ll be there to pounce on him and accuse him of not caring about you. However, if you cared for him and wanted to keep your birthday a happy event, you’d leave subtle and not-so-subtle reminders in places where he was sure to see them.
Helping your partner is part of a happy and balanced marriage. If your husband is a great provider, a wonderful friend and a supportive co-parent, it’s okay to go out of your way to remind him of special dates before the big days arrive. Put a calendar in a place you know he frequents, be it the washroom or the garage and then circle the days that mean something to you in a red pen. Or set an alarm on his mobile device, if you have access to it, to remind him that your birthday is just around the corner. If you want to be even more subtle about it, tell him what you’d like for your birthday get more info a week or two before it arrives. Suggest it in an off-handed way so it doesn’t appear as though you’re telling him just to remind him that your special day is right around the corner.
Although you may not see this approach as romantic, it’s a way to ensure your marriage survives your birthday. With just a bit of coaxing you can make certain that your husband will be ready when your birthday rolls around so he won’t have to face the consequences when he comes home from work empty handed yet again.